What is it about authenticity??!

24 Jun, 2019

What is it about authenticity…???

We here so much talk of it these days,

It seems anyone who is anyone is talking about what it means to ‘be authentic’,

with people being called out if they are not being ‘authentic enough’,

with so much finger pointing and shaming of those deemed to be inauthentic,

the climate being to ridicule or reject those who are TRYING to be authentic (but judged to be failing epically)!

So much commentary around who’s being authentic,

and who is not…..

that it seems as though the conversation around authenticity has turned into a competition about who is doing authenticity right,

and who is doing it wrong……

and who can be MORE authentic (read my authenticity is better than your authenticity!).

There seems to be much SHAMING and DAMNING of peoples attempts to show up in the world as their true self, its often missed that showing up in itself is pretty amazing!!

To me, the dominant discussion around authenticity,

which can be totally judgy and considerably hostile,

comes down to a GROSS MISUNDERSTANDING around where this seeming ‘in-authenticity’ comes from in the first place,

and I say ‘seeming’ because we absolutely get to be CURIOUS about how things appear,

rather than being critical,

so we can understand the deeper layers of authenticity!

We get to be curious about where we perhaps show up, not so much as inauthentic,

but more as a FRAGMENT of our self,

perhaps showing up as our smaller self,

rather than our whole self,

and how this can then go on to be labelled ‘inauthentic’.

But to me,

its not so much about the fragment being inauthentic,

because when you look deeply into these fragments,

these parts are very well intentioned and highly purposeful!!

They also make perfect sense in the CONTEXT in which they were born…..

they are aspects of you that have emerged out of necessity,

they are aspects of you that have arisen out of a legitimate drive to have your needs met,

and many times they are born out of your need to survive in certain situations.

Are they all of you?

Are they the truth of who you are?

No, of course not.

But are they inauthentic, I would say no to that too!

They are expressions of you,

They are how your instinctual nature has organised around the situations that you have faced and lived through.

They are the warrior parts that have fought the war for you, so you could survive……

Alllllllll of these fragments have a story to tell,

they all make sense in context,

and the question then more helpfully becomes,

has the context NOW CHANGED such that another version of you now gets to emerge….

a self that incorporates all of the fragmenty bits and a whole bunch more!?

This perspective allows the fragments to begin to settle,

to be INVITED IN….

It allows them to integrate into a wider, more harmonious, sense of wholeness,

So you can finally rest or retire this aspect of you which has been so dominant….

Sure, helpful in some contexts,

But as a way to live your whole life?????

No thanks!!

This way you get to integrate ALLLL aspects of you,

so that you can operate from your wholeness,

where you get to honor and respect all parts of you!!

Even the parts that you may looooong to reject,

Even the parts that you may no longer agree with,

Especially the parts that you wish had never been born,

Because otherwise, these parts will feel rejected and invalidated (because you are invalidating and rejecting them!!),

And they will then RESIST you right back,

And this creates an inner shit-storm that you will NOT ENJOY!!

(Trust me, I speak from considerable experience on this matter!!)

All aspects of you make perfect sense to THEM,

they make perfect sense in the context in which they were born,

and to them, this context has not changed!

It’s like some weird sort of internal time-warp…..

where unless you start communicating to them that things have changed….

they will resist you trying ANYTHING NEW because they are still stuck back in the 80’s!!

They are stuck ‘back then’, and it is your job to give them the download that THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

The pendulum has swung,

Life can be good again because you can now operate from your wholeness!!

We really do get to be honoring and loving and respectful of these parts of us that have emerged out of necessity,

They have emerged FOR YOU,

They have emerged to protect you,

And it has been the highest act of loving service for you that they have sacrificed wholeness!

So, if you then turn around and be rejecting and damning of these parts that have emerged in SERVICE of you,

It is really the biggest act of self….

What is that word….?????

Ummmmm…..

Self……

BETRAYAL!??

Yes, that’s it!

It is the biggest act of self-betrayal you could possibly do,

Because its like this part of you has emerged so that your SOUL ESSENCE could survive,

Wherever your Soul Essence was not welcome, you learned to protect it…..

Because you knew INTUITIVELY,

You knew INSTINCTIVELY that your Soul Essence is the most important thing IN THE WORLD and it is worthy of protecting!

And so these aspects of you that might be judged as being inauthentic, have really been acting in service of you, and it is the biggest act of self-betrayal to turn on them when the situation changes and they are no longer needed!!

They have emerged to protect your Soul Essence,

They have arisen PURPOSEFULLY,

Perhaps unconsciously, sure,

But certainly purposefully!

At some time, you made a decision,

unconscious as it might have been,

to give something up,

to play a role,

to sacrifice your wholeness,

to be a SPECIFIC way,

to FIT IN, so that your Soul  Essence could survive!

It was all about preserving your Soul Essence such that, at a later time when the context is more open and receptive, it can rise once again!

Which is when you can FINALLY be allowed to be all that you TRULY ARE!

And so, when we talk about authenticity,

(OK, as I am writing this I am LITERALLY living through the biggest earthquake I have ever experienced so this MUST be important…!!!)

when we talk about authenticity……

what we are saying is NOT that these parts of you are inauthentic,

they are legitimate parts of YOU and they absolutely make sense in the situation in which they were born!

They are who you NEEDED TO BE so your Soul Essence could survive,

and for this you can be GRATEFUL,

and allow them to be invited them back into your greater wholeness when the time is right for this to happen!

They absolutely get to be honored and respected,

AND understood as fragments that are a part of a wider whole.

So it’s this piece right here,

Where you get to honor them for the work that they have done…..

And allow them to rest or be reassigned because their work is now done!

Your Soul Essence has survived….

whoot whooot,

and it is now time for the fragments to be acknowledged and integrated,

because once their purpose has been fulfilled, you CAN give them recognition,

retire them,

and then question

Who is this DEEPER SELF ?

And this is the self that incorporates, loves and respects ALL of the fragments,

If you are blaming, shaming and damning, well this is simply one fragment going after another, competing about who is the better part!

Its like saying, when your vessel shatters, and you are trying to put it back together, that some shards don’t belong and you want to leave them out….

Well, OF COOOOOURSE they absolutely belong,

But they were just never the entire story….

they were never the whole vessel,

And so when you put it all back together, what you have then is the complete picture OF YOU,

And you also have a beautiful vessel that has no leaks,

Which means that it can now contain your Soul Essence!

So when it ALLLLL comes together,

These fragements,

These parts,

These stories,

These aspects of you all come together, it creates a beautiful vessel which can now contain your Soul Essence,

and its from this place that you get to bring your Soul Truth into the world because you are no longer operating from a fragment of yourself!

The authenticity discussion can an ONLY ever be about you reclaiming your awareness of your perfection,

rebuilding your connection to your wholeness,

so that you can bring ALLLL of you into the world!!

In the meantime…..

until you have reclaimed this connection to your wholeness,

all attempts to ‘be authentic’,

where you are SHOWING UP,

all of this gets to be celebrated – because showing up IS THE WAY towards deeper and deeper levels of authenticity!

have an amazing day unveiling your deeper self:)

 

Toni-Anne

 

 

 

 

 

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Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services.

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