Overcoming the desire to be fixed!

6 Aug, 2019

Have you ever felt that there is something within you that is broken?

Something that needs to be fixed before you can do what you want to do in the world?

A piece that you believe is damaged in some way such that you can’t function, let alone fulfil your purpose, until it has healed, repaired,

Or………

lets be real….

gotten rid of entirely?

I’m sure that we have all fallen into this trap at one point or another,

Falling into the belief that because you are not perfect,

or need healing in some way,

that somehow this means that you are not whole and complete.

That being imperfect means that there must be something wrong with you!

There is likely a part in all of us,

The part that SO wants to be a finished product,

That doesn’t want to have to feel the pain of failure,

That really wants to get it right the first time!

It is this part that prompts you to wait until you are a little more refined before giving yourself permission to get started on the life that you were born to live!

It really is an indictment on our society that so many of us walk around feeling like there is something deeply wrong with us.

This is the case for so many people, and for women there is an especially strong inner critic because, as women, we have been culturally conditioned to see ourselves as ‘other’,

We are groomed to play a secondary role in life,

Subjugated by a system that has decided that we shall be the ones to give,

and give,

and give,

with no expectation of return.

Any dissatisfaction that you might experience around this, is then made to be your problem…..

“what do you mean you are not happy with this, you are totally free!!?”

We then come to internalise this message as our own failing,

I really shouldn’t ask for more

Why can’t I just be satisfied,

I should just be happy with what I have!

For me there has been this constant inner tussell,

Why can’t I be ____________ enough,

And/ or

Why am I too much of ______________!

Yes, strangely it can be both ways, we are both too much and not enough at the same time,

it is so hard to reach the Goldilocks realm where we are ‘just right’.

And yet, if we do, who exactly are we being just right for?

It is the rare woman who is perfectly at home in a womanhood that has been defined by men!

This definition of the ‘good woman’ or the ‘good mother’ or the ‘good girl’,

Whatever ideal you are trying to live up to,

was never really defined to bring joy to the person adopting this definition,

and if you do try to live up to these expectations, then you will likely lose yourself in the process and then wonder why you feel like something is missing and needs to be fixed!

If you are like most women, you will likely blame yourself, to look internally to find the bit that must be fixed so you can ‘fit’ – surely it must be you, right?

And this is the myth that has been perpetuated, if you don’t fit the mould, then you are broken and must be fixed,

and further to this,

until and unless this broken bit has completely healed, then you can’t get started in life,

you couldn’t possibly use your unique gifts to fulfil your purpose and live the life that is calling to you!

The myth of brokenness,

The lie of ‘missing pieces’

The distortion that tells you that the healing process is a ‘fixing process’!

So please hear me when I say,

You are not broken,

There are no missing pieces,

Healing is not about fixing, it is about REMEMBERING,

that is to say, re-membering the parts that have been vanquished, disavowed, squashed down,

so that they can return to once again be a part of your greater wholeness,

it is ALL there,

every bit of it is within you,

and it is your job to remember that you were born perfect,

you are perfect still,

which does not mean that you do nothing wrong, experience epic failures, make mistakes, lose your way,

this is called being HUMAN,

and it all belongs!

It is all a part of living your life,

and there is nothing that you can do ‘so wrong’, to make it otherwise!

What would happen if you could liberate yourself from the thought that perfection means being flawless and never making mistakes?

What would happen if you could see mistakes as all part of the learning process, with your perceived flaws and the aspects that grant you membership to the human family.

What if you could open up to the perfection that lives within human diversity, respecting and honoring the things that make you unique and different as part of your perfection,

even if you have been told,

or you have told yourself,

that these aspects of you are inadequate, incomplete or in need of fixing in some way?

It really is up to us to liberate ourselves from the mis-truths that we have absorbed along the way!

They don’t belong to you,

you don’t have to own them,

you certainly don’t need to snuggle them like you would your favourite teddy bear!

If they don’t bring comfort, liberation and life on your terms,

quite frankly,

it has to go!

So much love to you as you remember your greater wholeness and create success on your terms!

Toni-Anne

 

 

 

Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services.

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