Just be yourself….but how!?

9 May, 2019


When I started out on my personal growth journey over 20 years ago, I heard so many in the personal growth industry proclaiming,

You are perfect, whole and complete

Everything you need is inside of you,

Just be yourself!

As much as I wanted to believe these ideas, and I tried very hard to pretend that I believed them,


in all honesty,

I was pretty sure that what was inside of me was a whole lot of emptiness,

and I was pretty convinced that if there was anything to be found in the emptiness, that it was going to be anything less than perfect, whole and complete!

I certainly had no clue how to be myself because quite frankly, in retrospect, I didn’t know who I was at all.

I did an excellent job (even if I do say so myself) of being who I was conditioned to be,

thinking that my programming was me,

being fused with concepts that I had been given and had unknowingly absorbed,

being a good little compliant solider; yes I was quite remarkable at this acting business:/

I had no clue that there was the option to gracefully embrace the qualities that emerged naturally from the pulse of my being – this was not in the script so I didn’t do it!

What I felt when I heard these positive statements was actually heightened feelings of inadequacy; not only did I feel empty and without a focus or direction, I felt ‘less than’ because I shouldn’t be feeling this way,

It was wrong,

I was wrong,

I was getting it all wrong,

and affirmations really didn’t seem to help AT ALL because I had no way of understanding, let alone changing, the thoughts that I had about myself,

and constantly affirming the opposite of what I truly believed seemed to do nothing but make me feel worse!

Now, decades down the track, having studied the human mind intensively and explored the depths of the human psyche for years,

having investigated the relationship between thoughts, feelings, behavior and the impact that these aspects have on your body, your electromagnetic field, and your potentiality,

having an intimate relationship with the Universal Laws that underpin all things,

I finally began to understand the intention behind such statements, which is exactly that:


Of course when you start to work with affirmations, you desire to experience change from where you are now, so of course you are not going to spend your time affirming that which you don’t want, that is nonsensical!

However, the missing piece for me was what happened when I started working with affirmations; namely I felt WORSE and I blamed the affirmations because I thought they MADE me feel bad.

So I would stop,

And start,

And stop,

And start,

because I truly desired transformation and all roads seemed to lead to changing your thoughts, which naturally leads to affirmations!

And so, the results were less than perfect,

but even with such ambivalence, this mustard seed of faith allowed the affirmations to start working away in the depths of my subconscious,

like water returning to the dry river beds after a long drought,

like light beams shining through the grey clouds,

the affirmations that I started to work with years ago were becoming my lived experience.

The affirmations that I worked with

as an INTENTION for the life that I wanted to live,

as an intention for how I wanted to feel in life,

as a intention for who I desired to be in the world,

were all ‘hanging together’ in the big mystery of life and it all started to work.

It was like me announcing to the Universe, enough is enough, I want this instead, and then the journey I really didn’t understand began!

What I didn’t predict, or what I couldn’t really know, was just how far away I was from my desired state; how can one truly have insight into the density of their being when it is as slow moving, stuck and stodgy as it can get.

I had no idea that when you set an intention and begin to affirm it into your reality, that it totally depends on your starting point as to how long it will take to manifest; if you affirm that you want ice cream it will totally depend on whether you are at home or in the middle of the desert as to how easy it will be to realise this reality!

So, when I would go about affirming, ‘I am perfect, whole and complete’, feeling anything BUT these things, it is obvious to me now how remote these experiences were from me, however,

it was never a matter of it being impossible,

it was simply a matter of me needing to run a marathon, not a sprint!

It is exciting to know the potential that opens up when you activate your feeling body, through the power of your affirmations, to bring what your heart longs for into your life, from wherever you are right now.

But the other missing piece was,

you get to do ALL THE INNER WORK that has meant you don’t have these things already.

It is the case that the experiences you desire are always available to you, it just depends on how much you are blocking the flow of these things into your life because of what you have been conditioned to believe.

Beliefs truly act as the gateway for all the good in your life – they decide what comes in and what goes out based on what you believe you deserve, who you believe you are, and what you believe is possible.

What you can be prepared for, which is very helpful to know, is that when you set an intention to experience something new

A new emotional state,

A new situation in your life,

New potentialities,

then what you are actually inviting in, without perhaps consciously asking for it, is the healing work required for you to experience the newness you seek.  Essentially the healing work is you bridging the gap between you, and the desired experience, starting from where you are now.

Your system does what it does,

It needs what it needs,

It takes however long it takes,

And you get to keep committing to your original intention,

Clearing and Cleansing,

Healing and Integrating,

Committing and recommitting,

Until one day, it all starts to click into place and you find yourself spontaneously saying to yourself:

All really is well in my world, perhaps with a little surprise (holy smokes it really did happen)

All really is perfect, whole and complete, even me,

And you find that you can move through the world with greater authenticity and integrity within yourself, which is the experience of true freedom – liberation!

And so, working with affirmations is certainly not a magic bullet, it is an invitation to begin the healing work required for you to have a better experience of life,

To open the floodgates to the good that surrounds you,

To embrace life in a new way that allows you to trust that it all makes sense and is working towards good things,

To open up to the good that is seeking you, for you to seek it!

Create space for the healing work that will inevitably arise, and see it as the silt from the bottom of the stream that now gets to be gently washed away.  The affirmations didn’t create it, they revealed it, for your ultimate health and happiness, for which you can be grateful😊

Have an amazing day allowing your joy to blossom as you walk with the mystery that is your life



PS: Please share along and send ripple effects of goodness into the world:)




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Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services.


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